When it comes to that time of year when you hear of poor, helpless old people got trampled in Wal-marts trying to get the latest season of “House” on DVD or soccer moms pummel fellow soccer moms in parking lots to get last copy of the newest interactive video game that allows you to do brain surgery or whatever, you know it’s the holiday season! I love any reason to buy my beloved Christmas tree snack cakes or get 5 seasons of “Gilmore Girls” for 14 dollar dollar billz each. True Story!
Although I love Christmas, I can’t help but feel wishy-washy about the forced gift giving, you know what I mean? The obligatory gift of holiday themed lotion? The awkward holiday nutcracker from Great Aunt Mildred that you now have to make sure is out for each following Christmas? Perhaps it was a prized ugly Christmas sweater that lights up? I think it’s these forced gifts that make Christmas seem very showy and lack any meaning. Besides, the gift giving isn’t even the true spirit of Christmas (Cue the “awwwwww”-ing from the studio audience) It’s all about unbuttoning the buttons from your pants to allow for more food to fill your stomach, playing in piles of wrapping paper and building forts from present boxes (my favorite), and watching 9 hours of the 24 hour “A Christmas Story” marathon.
Which is where I thought of the “Things I don’t want for Christmas list”! Enjoy 🙂
1. The Kindle. The only way I would even consider buying something like this is if it emitted “Old Book Smell” and made the sound of turning a page as I finished a page. Otherwise, I think it’s the closest thing to the Anti-Christ, especially to someone who screams when she finds a 60 year old illustrated copy of “Madame Bovary” and nearly has a coronary. “How am I supposed to look pseudo-intellectual in a coffee shop if no one realizes that I’m reading Anna Karenina?!”
2. Dog Snuggies. All I’m going to say is that this is the reason they have fur. And my arms to wrap around them. Besides, if I ever saw my own dog struggling to read a book or use the remote control because they couldn’t maneuver around their blanket I think I’d give them a high five and, not a dog Snuggie. Just sayin’.3. An Edward Cullen umbrella. Mostly because I’d be worried that if God saw me walking around with one of these, He’d throw down one of his large lightning bolts at me upon viewing Robert Pattinson’s face. I’d be too easy of a target.
4. A hunting crossbow. A few months ago I was trying to sell my guitar over Craigslist . I got a whole junk load of weird offers for it. Whether it was some Nigerian businessman wanting all of my bank information or people giving me strange offers, the best of which was when someone offered me a hunting crossbow for my cheap guitar. I had to decline as I needed dollar billz rather than a new stuffed moose head on my wall. Actually, nevermind. I would actually kind of like a hunting crossbow, that’d be pretty cool. It’d go cutely with my lumberjack hat!
5. Tickets to a Taylor Swift concert. This is actually me attempting to use some reverse psychology, as I would really like to go to one. I can’t lie. T. Swift is my guilty pleasure and I may or may not have taught myself how to play “Love Story” on my ukulele… and I listened to her “Monologue Song” she performed on SNL approximately 9 times today. Also, the amount of bedazzling on her outfit and guitar alone is pretty worthy of my praise.
Question of the Day: What don’t you want for Christmas?
Have a lovely night!