Tales from the Bottomless Pit: Part the First.

My roommates shriek in amazement. Peanut Butter jars go missing, never to be seen again. Random pedestrians run far away upon hearing a faint growling sound from afar. Cafeteria workers know exactly why I’m almost done with my Fall semester dining plan money.  Most people look wide-eyed, surprised, wondering…

“How on earth do you eat that much?”

Well, it’s quite easy, you see. I just…do it. I never thought that I ate an alarming amount, especially since I’m on the small side anyways. Not until I came to college, that is. Noticing how alarmingly fast I can go through a 40oz jar of anything became a spectacle to both myself and my roommates, whereas before it just was another reason to go back to the grocery store.

You see, I’m a bit of a bottomless pit. I’m that girl that is already thinking about her next meal at the last bite of the meal she just finished 15 seconds prior. Who has to plan when she studies or does any other activity around when she expects the Hunger Beast to strike again, on some unsuspecting banana, box of cereal, or pastry that crosses my path. I can’t even begin to count how many pictures I have of myself on Facebook eating ice cream on many separate occasions.

A few of my friends and roommates thought it would be a good idea for me to attempt to catch the Hunger Beast in pictures, to prove to the world that it exists and is still at large today, wondering where to pounce next. Will it be that new box of cereal on the counter? The large bowl of chili in the fridge? Who knows. All we can say is that no food item is safe in my house or dorm room now that it has been unleashed.

Now, onto the victims of today.

To be completely honest, The Hunger Beast didn’t claim the lives of too many today. It was a bit shy. Perhaps it was because I went on a 3 mile run ( I lose my appetite after I exercise, ironic?!?!) or it knew that there was someone attempting to catch it doing its business.

new college 200 To break the fast I had nearly 2 cups of Ghetto Fab Off Brand Raisin Bran, with a milk flood, as well as a  cup of instant coffee with another torrential rain storm of milk. Om nom nom. Please take note of the coffee cup which so eloquently says “ By the appointment of the King of Sweden”. How I acquired this mug, I don’t know.

Next, before I went on a run I had a large spoonful of peanut butter. You know, to help my nerves, right? Sorry, no picture. The poor spoonful didn’t have a chance.

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Then an innocent looking turkey wrap sammich (with hummus and feta as well as some obligatory lettuce so that I wasn’t swimming in the Beige Sea)  and an apple the size of a newborn baby’s head eaten a la porch!new college 206 How I know the approximate size of a newborn’s head, I don’t know.

But this apple and sammich had a naughty secret…

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If Barry White saw this sneaky display I’m sure he would’ve said “Aaaaaw, yeaaaaaaah…”.

Thankfully, these chocolates were somehow sponsored by Martha Stewart(?!?!) and had some helpful holiday decorating tips on the wrappers…new college 207

“Oh, I’ll stabilize your tree…”

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“Oh, I’ll make you thrive all year long…”

Sorry, sometimes I wish I had Barry White’s voice for opportune moments like these.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch!new college 210

Mr. Frog bowl decided to bring me a yogurt mess of more Ghetto Fab Raisin Bran and some yogurt to be its BFF. Belly happy (I say that phrase after almost all of my meals, by the way.)

Dinner was as weird as watching a dog walk on its hind legs. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted, but I knew that whatever it was I wanted it to be covered in alfredo sauce. Looking out upon the sea of Beige I had consumed today thus far I thought that the SS. Mackenzie’s stomach needed to reach some green land of Vegetables.

LAND HO! Broccoli and beans covered in alfredo sauce and parmesan cheese. Yeah, I don’t know. Don’t hate. new college 213 Besides, posting pictures of my fingers or a spoon covered in alfredo sauce isn’t the most flattering or beautiful thing to look at.

Next up (THERE’S MORE?! Oh, yes there is)… dessert.

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Oh, woops. I seemed to have dropped a piece of dark chocolate on a piece of toast with peanut butter on it… Did I do that?!new college 219

At that moment, a group of thugs busted into my house and demanded that I put the delicacy in the microwave for 30 seconds or else my life was on the line. And then held me at gunpoint until I ate it. 

I hated it! It was terrible 😉

So that’s that. I tried as I could to capture the beast in the flesh, and for the most part it was pretty close to the spectacle that it usually is for my friends and roommates. I still do think it was a bit shy, so I’ll have to be more incognito next time, so watch out for a new Discovery channel series coming to a TV near you. Let’s hope that we don’t lose track of it’s whereabouts!

Question of the day: Do people think you eat too much? Too little?

Mackenzie

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