Resolutions Schmesolutions: Pt. 1

Ah, ‘tis that time of year where the sinister looking pens and paper come out, to make a certain list that will hopefully last longer than a month. Most people only last until February until they throw in the metaphorical towel and cry foo-ey on their goals to “whittle their middle”, stop procrastinating, or get better at keeping  touch with your Aunt Mildred. Lame.

Thankfully I’ve come to terms with the fact that I have a fast metabolism and don’t really need the former, I’m a college student and will always procrastinate, and I actually don’t have an Aunt Myrtle, but I think we all know what it’s like to set a bunch of ridiculously unattainable goals starting all of a sudden. It’s like going from a hot tub and then jumping into a cold swimming pool. F’realz. Or seeing a dog walk on its hind legs. Or telling yourself that you will stop digressing at multiple intervals. Impossible. 

This is where I came up with “Mackenzie’s totally do-able Resolutions that are actually fun” list, a list in two parts:


1. Get better at planning fun stuff. Seriously. Who procrastinates on making awesome plans? This girl right here. Specifically, I’m talking about what I’m hoping to do this summer. I’m a HUGE language/linguistics dork, and you’ll see a lot of this as time goes on. I promise! I kind of have a crush on Henry Higgins and start a lot of my sentences with the following: “Did you know that the people of Madagascar speak like this…” or  “The etymology of that word is fascinating..” and The Online Etymology Dictionary makes me cry happy tears. 

But I digress (really?). So there is this amazing language immersion program at one of my favorite schools, Middlebury College. You go there for 6-7 weeks and you can only speak one foreign language. No English is spoken there. You actually have to sign a contract, thus making it SO LEGIT. Word on the streets is that you get kicked out if you speak English after a certain point. My dorky little self was as peppy as a little catholic school girl once I got the okay from my advisor (WHO WORKED THERE?!) and my school’s Dean of students (WHO WENT TO SCHOOL THERE?!). So I kind of love creepy awesome connections that allow me to do ridiculous stuff like this. Hopefully if I can actually buckle down to do the essays, fill out the paperwork to get some dolla dollaz. I will be on my way to Middlebury, Vermont in the summer. P.S If I decide to do the French program, I get to live in this tricked out pad!


I just got a call from Jay-z and he wants his French Chateau back. My b, Jay-Z. You can visit me if you bring me some Cristal.

2. Do more random and secret acts of kindness. In other words, pull a whole bunch of Amelies.

Amelie I’m thinking of secretly paying for someone’s tolls behind me at the toll booth or the person behind me’s coffee. Since I’m as cheap as ever, I’ll probably leave some corny and uplifting post-its for unsuspecting people. Yes, I have a bit of sentiment underneath my cold, hard, weird exterior! 🙂

3.Run more often. Okay, I’ll admit. This is where my list of resolutions goes a bit to the conventional side. I can explain. You see, I’ve always loved a challenge. Whether it’s been writing a novel in a month, like I did this past November or stopping myself from always changing funny accents (such as Wisconsin Housewife, Russian Grandmother, and Ghetto Fab Cousin Trishwanda) which is what I’m doing in January.  Earlier this year I found out that the Disney Princess Half-Marathon is occurring on my 19th birthday. Being me, I was super tempted to be able to potentially run around in my favorite place in the world in a crown and tutu, I decided to make it my goal to train for this bad boy. Also, I can’t lie and say that when people ask “What did you do on your birthday?!” it wouldn’t be totally cool to scream “ RAN A HALF MARATHON, BUT THAT’S NOTHING SPECIAL. REALLY”. 🙂


4.  Revise the “Novel-Child”. This one’s a pretty scary one. I have about 175-ish pages of text to read over the next two months or so, dissect, clean and patch up, and polish to make it the solid gold best seller I know it shall be. Totally going to dedicate JK Rowling in it. Maybe she’ll want to be my BFF? I’m officially starting this one on the 14th, as it’s kind of a bad idea to read any bit of your novel before it’s first draft is done being written. You see a lot of weird stuff being written about that you really don’t understand how it got there. Like the main character’s grandmother’s flatulence? And dancing narwhals? Really. I wish I was joking. And if I don’t polish those parts,  JK Rowling won’t be my BFF anymore.  That’s dire business.


5. Do something everyday that scares me. Whether it’s eating olives and mushrooms ( NASTY TEXTURE), watching “Top Chef” finales with my mother(She can get pretty intense), or skinny dipping IT’S GON’ GET DONE THIS YEAR. For sure. I actually did this yesterday, as a matter of fact! My two good friends and I snuck on to my old high school campus (former students aren’t allowed on campus and they don’t give us passes.) and visited all of my teachers and some friends that still go there. We nearly got caught around 37687346 times, took a bunch of pictures to document it, and caused a major raucous, almost getting escorted by Old Wanda, our school’s guard of sorts. All in all, an awesome day and I shall definitely tell the wild tale once I get the pictures! 🙂

mushroom21 Looking at this picture nearly made me dry heave. Thanks, mushrooms.

Question of the day: What are your New Years resolutions? To clean the dust off your ab-roller? Actually keep in touch with your (real) Aunt Myrtle? Eat more mushrooms?  Let a homegirl know! 🙂



2 thoughts on “Resolutions Schmesolutions: Pt. 1

  1. I adore your list of resolutions! Especially the princess half-marathon: best idea ever.

    I’m glad you’ve been posting because when I’m bored, I always come to your blog, haha.

    Love you lots and miss your lovely face 🙂

  2. Gahahaha! I’m glad you like them, darling!

    Seriously. I do the same thing, homeslice! Knowing that you are posting makes me both amused and motivated to post again, hahahahaha!

    Hope you are having oodles of fun in Denver, ladyfriend! Miss you, girl!

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