Slacktown: population Me.

Okay okay I can explain.

I did pack. Just not for my odyssey back to school. Apparently I decided to make a detour to Slacktown, population Me.

Oh, but wait. I did say that I’d be going MIA once the new Vampire Weekend album came out? Oh, yeah, so that BADBOY of a record TOTES got leaked on the internet. Bad idea. Especially when I was  already in Slacktown.

Needless to say, I’m being one of those girls that’s all :

“Oh, man. They totes released the record a week early just because…


Needless to say, the album is, what all the young whippersnappers calling, the bomb diggity.

And I mean, it was kind of cute of them to leak their new cd on Myspace for me?

Vampire Weekend

“Thanks, snookums!”, Mackenzie said to them adoringly.

“Oh, no probs, sugarpie!”, Vampire Weekend all cried out in unison as they all took turns kissing Mackenzie’s feet, giving her bars of dark chocolate and jars of peanut butter, and showered her with kisses as they all emerged into a huge pillow fight. In which, Tina Fey rushed in from stage right and joined in on the pillow fighting raucous.

“Hey, babe”, they interrupted in unison once more.

“Yes, dear?”, Mackenzie said, batting her eyelashes as she launched a chunk of dark chocolate in her mouth.

“Does this…Does this gate look…indie enough?”, said Vampire Weekend cautiously.

Ah, the life. Ignorance is bliss 🙂

But in other news!

I’m back at school, where the scent of patchouli wafts through the air, oodles of pillow talk and girl time have ensued, and my friends have willingly (Ahem, Chelsea) allowed me to straddlehug them, and for me the thoughts of deadlines and schedules seem just like silly little suggestions.

Wait, so two of those things seem pretty normal. All but the straddlehugs. What is a straddlehug , you ask, and how can you do one?!

HA! It’s quite simple really! It’s as easy as run, hug, straddle!

This is what I like to call the Mackenzie special.

1. In true creeper fashion, spot a preferable victim. Make sure their back is turned for maximum effect. It’s best if you’re a girl and your prey is also a close friend, or else people will either think you are A. a genuine creep, and one of those guys that circles middle schools for little girls after school gets out or B. Me. Just kidding, kind of. I’ve been known to accidentally straddlehug/jump on people that I thought were people I knew. I wish I was lying.

2. Run, like the agile puma that you are capable of being. If there are other people that are surrounding your prey, make sure to do a coy “Shh” with your lips to your mouth so they don’t tell the friend that the “jig is up”

3. Hug the person. slyly allow your most flexible leg to  slowly grab them from the behind. Enjoy what you’ve just accomplished.

4. Sigh a little, for maximum (creeper?) effect. It makes your prey feel loved. Or a bit scared. Whatever.

Yeah, so where was I? Oh, yes. My non-creeper life. Does that even exist, you ask? Well, that’s another blog post. 🙂

The Novel of Neverending Writing Fury is nearly finished, the first draft of it, that is. I’ve got to say that it’s been downright delicious to peel myself away from the computer screens, whiter than my own white girl ‘donk for a few days as it makes me fear that I shall soon go cross-eyed from staring at my pale-white-girl-donk screen. And I’m (kind of) sorry about that mental image.

In other news, I’ve been ballin’ and  Tolstoyin’  and handwriting pages like I’m in the eighteenth and nineteenth century and the welfare of my children and peasant wife depend on how many pages I can churn out. Seriously. My journal is nearly a quarter finished after I went on a handwriting frenzy last week. There really is nothing better than hitting a pen to paper.

That is, unless Vampire Weekend gifts you kisses, chocolate, and pillow fights and Tina Fey comes over for a slumber party.

That’s another story.



4 thoughts on “Slacktown: population Me.

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