Indie cardigans + bad book reviews

Hello all!

Well, the time has come. My myriad cardigans have been whipped out, I have a hot cup of Tazo tea in hand, my Tina Fey glasses have been neatly placed on my nose and I’ve fully gotten into “incessantly-listening-to-Vampire-Weekend’s-new-CD-mode” and it’s been quite majestic, indeed.

I can just feel my hipster points rising by the minute every time I recycle a can of chickpeas and listen to another Vampire Weekend song.

But back at the ranch, I thought it’d be fun to review this CD song by song, as quickly as I can as my roommates are pretty close to making be one with nature (thus making my hipster points rise to such heights never before seen) to cease the singing of Ezra Koenig’s pseudo-intellectual lyrics and his band of cardigan-and-corduroy-clad band of troubadours.

So, without further ado, here’s a review of some things I’ve been perusing through the last week! Enjoy 🙂

“Contra” by Vampire Weekend.

1. Horchata:

Not going to lie. I’ve listened to this song, as told to me by my iTunes, a staggering 250 times. Since November 1st. Seriously. If that doesn’t tell you how much I adore this song, I don’t know what will.

What is Horchata you ask?  I had the same question. I kept trying to figure out some context clues and I was seriously upset when I deduced that Horchata was not:

A. Charo’s dance partner.

B. Whore- chowder? Said with a very thick English accent? Don’t ask. When you listen to the same song over 250 times, you’ll understand.

C. A milky drink made of made of ground almonds, sesame seeds, tigernuts, rice, or barely. That I expect in the future the entire band of Vampire Weekend will treat me to whenever we go on our dates together. It will be lovely, I expect.

I’m really good at guessing, obviously, as this one is correct 😉

2. White Sky

All of the synthesizers in this song make me feel like I’ve suddenly taken on the role of Al, your company’s computer programmer. I’ve got my pocket protector filled with multi-colored pens, ready for business. Ready to take on the world. Or at least the office that is filled with computers plagued with viruses because someone decided to contract a virus via Farmville. Which is just like taking on the world.

Digressions aside, awesome song. And it makes me glad that Ezra Koenig isn’t afraid to compromise his manhood to reach those high notes.


Seriously. This song makes me actually go through the arduous search that is bathing suit shopping and get a cutesy gingham-print bathing suit and eat popsicles, and throw a beach ball at unsuspecting beach-goers, and eat a corn dog that sadly gets scooped up by a feisty pelican. Yes, just like that. Oh, and read trashy magazines. That is also needed in the scenario. ‘Cause you know, listening to all of this intellectual Vampire Weekend needs to be balanced out by mindless US Weeklys?

Oh, man. I really hope my sarcasm comes through well over the internet.

Oh, well. At least I’ll have a gingham bathing suit.

That was sarcasm, too.


4. California English

At first, this was the one song I was a bit perturbed by upon first hearing it. Auto-tune, really? Really, Vampire Weekend? You’re making your album sound like an indie version of a T-Pain song or Kanye West album? Which, rightly said by the ever-so-wise Stephen Colbert says, makes the whole album “sound like putting a cup to the side of a Pac-man machine and listening”. Which is true. But over time, this song has really grown on me, I admit. Partially because I think it would be really cool of Vampire Weekend and T-Pain collaborated  à la Taylor Swift et à la “Blizzard Man”.

5. Taxi Cab

Okay, all I can say  is that this is one of my favorites on the album. Almost more so than “Horchata”, which says something. I don’t know if it was my weakness for organs and violins slyly put into songs in general, or the neat lyrics. All I know is that the lyrics are pretty fantastic.

Unsentimental, Driving around,

Sure of myself, Sure of it now,

You stand this close to me,

Like the future was suppose to be,

In the aisles of the Grocery,

In the block uptown.

All I can complain about is that, since Vampire Weekend tends to throw out obscure references I wished they referenced “Aristocats” instead of saying “aristocrats”. If that’s my only complaint,and a silly one at that, that says a lot about how much I like this song. F’realz.


Hey, Vampire Weekend. I appreciate the shout out. I’d be totally cool with running away with you?

Dang, it was awfully sweet of you guys to describe our future escapades to live like that show “Big Love” , in Utah with our combined marriage. Aw, shucks.


“Oh, quick guys. Give a deer-in-headlights-look. We have to be ironic now that we’re stranded with our pea-coats and cardigans in the Ironic Forest”

….Oh, and this is also a great song. But you knew that already, right? 🙂

7. Cousins

Okay, I have to admit. Every time I listen to this song, I start out thinking “Wow, it sounds like Ezra Koenig is walking across a bunch of hot coals. Is that what all of the indie kids are doing these days?” and as I let the song finish I always think “Wow, the rest of the song sounds like the psychological weakening of Ezra post-hipster-walking-across-hot-coals” as I seriously have no idea what the heck this song means, or what he is singing in the first place. “Biddlewood” is not a word, as far as I can tell. Still though, Vampire Weekend made a toe-tapper out of this barely English song. And a really great video.

8. Giving up the Gun

Okay, okay I promise I’m almost done here!

So it seems that Ezra Koenig regained his composure. Which is good, because I can’t be fantasizing dorkily about future dates if the person in question has crispy feet as well as a crispy mental state.

Although not one of my favorite songs on the album, I think it had the best lyrics because of the very nerdy nature, depicting scenes straight out of Sunday afternoons my brother and I spent playing Sega Genesis and Nintendo, the kind with the hot-dog shaped controllers, with games full of synthesizers and sword-wielding BAMFs.

9. Diplomat’s Son

This song transports to a place that makes me want to eat curry and make my mom angry for making said curry because we now have to Febreeze the house for the next day. And watch “Monsoon Wedding” and “Slumdog Millionaire”. And get henna done. And not have an arranged marriage. I love the melding of an Indian choir in the background to the synthesizer. It’s a combination that sounds like putting lamb with tuna fish, when you really think about it. Weird stuff, but it works somehow. 

10. I Think Ur a Contra.

Behold, my other favorite song off of this album. But one question: Really Vampire Weekend?! Internet speak in a song title?! You’ve now lowered yourself to Avril Lavigne status, of “Sk8er Boi” fame. Really. It’s a good thing the song redeems itself by being a very surprising Vampire Weekend song.

Its somewhat corny lyrics and slow, simple feeling was a good choice to end an album that wills its listeners to leave the warm clutches of their hot pink slankets to go buy gingham swimsuits and their lead singers to walk across hot coals.

Powerful stuff, that indie music?

Jeez, this was a beast of a blog post! Oh, well, you knew this was coming 🙂

Be on the look out for a book review later tonight!



4 thoughts on “Indie cardigans + bad book reviews

  1. A lovely review, well done! It makes me want to listen through the album again, even though I’m not huge fans of their music (though I find them absolutely adorable!).

    • You’re welcome to borrow my CD, darling!

      But not the boys of Vampire Weekend, if you haven’t noticed the running theme of my desperate longing for them, hahahaha! 🙂

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