I like to think of myself as an adventurous person. I think it goes hand in hand with my so-called “impractical” and ridiculously optimistic way of looking at things. Literally. They skip around together, hand-in-hand, through sunny fields of daisies whilst “Happy Together” by The Turtles plays in the background. Really.
But up until the start of my first year of college I could really only say off the top of my head that the most adventurous things I had done up ‘til then were the following:
Breakdanced (brokedanced?!) in a public place.
So not too much. Or at least not enough for me. I still felt like there was something to be desired in the “Be more adventurous” column of my “ta-da!” list for my life thus far. Besides I’ve listened to the Rilo Kiley song “More Adventurous” way too much for my own good and those who have watched me do all of the ridiculous acts I’ve gotten myself into this year so far. Thus where I wrote a novel in a month, got a tattoo, and ran a half marathon without training for it.
Yeah, I don’t know how my brain works either. All I can say is that this has been one of my most content years I’ve ever had, mostly due to the fact that I’ve been getting myself into oodles upon oodles ( I LOVE THAT WORDPRESS DOESN’T SPELL CHECK ‘OODLES’!) of tomfoolery.
But on the subject of my most ridiculous shenanigans, I thought it would interesting to chronicle what goes through your mind when you run 13.1 miles. Feast your eyes on this. My mind is a pretty scary and weird place to be. I think someone could make a Tim Burton film out of it. Or a Disney film. Either would be pretty apt.
Mile 1.0- Hell yes, “Mulan” soundtrack! Donny Osmond, please let your soothing voice and tale of defeating Huns guide me through 12 more miles of my own type of Hun defeating.
Mile 2.0– Why on earth am I doing this? I could be eating peanut butter right now. Or sleeping. Or watching Jude Law’s hot bod on SNL from last night. Or sleeping. Also, I like that at this point I would have turned back to finish my loop. This will be interesting.
Mile 3.0- HOLY CRAP WHY ARE THERE SO MANY CUTE DOGS ON THIS COURSE?! I want to pet them all. And steal them, possibly. Holy crap, holy crap. The lady in front of me has a Winnie the Pooh fanny pack. SO FREAKING GREAT! New motivation is to keep running, to run after this lady with the Winnie the Pooh fanny pack.
Mile 4.0– I hate when people run past me. I feel less beast-like. A lot less beast-like. Sad face. Bored. Still thinking about Jude Law’s hot bod to get my mind off of this possible Mope-fest . Just passed like 14 other cute dogs. Contemplating when I should stop to pet them.
Mile 5.0– Bay shore road can die now. I’ve officially surpassed the most miles I’ve ever ran up to this point. WINNIE THE POOH FANNY PACK WOMAN WENT TO GO POTTY. Sadness ensued as I no longer have a target. I keep on running, hoping for her triumphant return into my vicinity.
Mile 6.0– Passed Bay shore road. KICKED ITS ASSSSSSSPHALT! Onto Ringling Causeway now. Officially feeling like a super beast now. I definitely yelled a lot here and hollered and I might have done a jig. Still wanting to pet puppies at this point. Focused on spunky old lady who is talking to me, trying to cope with the loss of Winnie the Pooh Fanny Pack Woman. This is when I got the best music on my iPod. Barry White?! and THEN “Hedwig’s Theme” from Harry Potter? and then THE BEEGEES?! Feelin’ like money.
Mile 7.0– More yelling. More jigging. A BUNCH OF GUYS PLAYING DRUMS FOR RUNNERS. That means more jigs ensued. SPOTTED WINNIE THE POOH FANNY PACK WOMAN, and sighed a bit in relief. Wondering if she knew some creepy 19 year old girl has been thinking about her for 5-ish miles and chortled a bit. Chortled and subsequently almost hacked up a lung.
Mile 8.0– Spunky old lady starts talking to me and I act like a nine-year old girl at an Ns
ync concert. She’s my new hero. My legs were officially not apart of my body anymore. Pretty sure there was a photographer taking pictures at this point. Made a point to put on the flaming and ironic confederate flag hat I had been wearing off and on, stick out my tongue and make a ridiculous hand gesture. Hey, don’t hate.
Mile 9.0– There are way way WAY too many cute dogs on this course. My butt feels like a fire-breathing dragon breathed on it after it ate muy caliente Mexican food.
Mile 10.0– Back to Bay shore road and wanting to die a bit on the inside as I had barely walked up to this point. Mustered up the energy of a thousand Spunky Old Women and trudged on.
Mile 11.0– Got back to my usual middle mark in my usual runs. Chortled a bit and almost hacked up my other lung. Chortled some more and started walking. Bad idea. Your body kind of freaks out and loses control, which would explain why I seriously nearly wet myself at this point. Felt like a champion after my near-pants-peeing experience.
Mile 12.0– Main thoughts during this mile because I seriously just realized I had been running for over 2 hours (I was in a cursing-like-a-sailor-daze at this point): “HOT DAAAAAMN, MACKENZIE. YOUSA BEAST. DA-DA-DA-DAAAAAMN! YOU GOT DIS GIRL, YOU GOT DIS! YOU TELL BAY SHORE ROAD WHO THE MOTHA EFFIN’ BOSS IS NOW”. Which is pretty funny because I rarely if ever curse. It seemed pretty apt at this point. WINNIE THE POOH FANNY PACK WOMAN MAKES A TRIUMPHANT RETURN. I let her pass me in to honor her. And because I was too daggone tired.
Mile 13.0– Oh my gosh, ALL OF THE PUPPIES I’VE SEEN SO FAR ARE IN THE SAME PLACE. AT ONE TIME. OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH. Still don’t know why I haven’t stopped to pet any of them at this point. My puppy-desiring-self silenced the sailor-self as I realized how daggone close I was to the finish. And the mountain of bagels behind the finish line. That helped too.
Kept daydreaming about puppies in front of soft velvet backgrounds. It almost made me forget my flaming butt.
Mile 13.1– “Single Ladies” by Beyonce came on and I freakin’ sprinted. They yelled “Tracy Roudabush” (my friend Stacy let me take her bib on a whim last week and thus they said, or didn’t say her name) and I sprinted in my most Diva-licious pose ever. In shock a bit of what the crap I just did. Walked around confusedly for about 5 minutes until I made it to the mighty mountain of bagels.
And there you go. My mind on a 13.1 mile run. And yes, I’d do it all over again. It was one of the most painful and empowering things I’ve ever done without preparing for at all whatsoever! It made me start to plan my next adventure full of ridiculousness and intrigue. One that requires me searching for apartments and looking at class schedules for something not usually accepted by society. And possibly taking a semester off from school.
But more on that later 😉