old men i’d gladly woo, or my creepiest blog post ever.

Listen, readers. I really have been trying to figure out alternate blog topics to ramble on about, and I really have been wanting to make other tags in my “blog tags” larger than the “creep” and “dork” tags.

Really. I promise. With bunion cream and dentures on top.

This topic in general is pretty ironic, given the fact that I was lurked on by multiple geezer men at the beach yesterday. It only affirmed my plans to get myself to the nunnery! Ophelia-style.

Second City, we’re going to be BFFs SO SOON (4daysbutwhoiscounting?)

But unfortunately for me, I don’t have a sassy gay friend to keep me from having weird (does anyone else have these?) crushes on older dudes.

To each his own?

Meanwhile back at the ranch, I made a mental list of old man crushes of mine that I’d be totally cool with giving up eating excessive amounts of garlic and the nunnery in order to woo.  Don’t hate, appreciate. Like I always say, feel free to cringe.

Stephen Colbert

Come on. I don’t even think I have very many guy friends that don’t completely want Stephen Colbert’s bod. If you don’t agree with me, you might just be a terrorist; a Love Terrorist.

Man, that would’ve been such a good name for a love song in the ‘80s.

stephen_colbert

Stephen Colbert stephencolbertlarge I’m just going to say, that at the age of nineteen I’ve never wanted to be the statue of liberty or a cat so badly in my life.

 Steve Martin

This, I could have seen coming. I grew up watching “The Jerk” and “The Three Amigos”, all of the movies in “Father of the Bride” series, and reruns of SNL from the ‘70s.

And I’ll admit, I always wanted Steve Martin to be my father and he’d play me lullabies on the banjo and perform stand-up on a whim, and be an all-around “wild and craaaaazy guy” when I was growing up.

steve-martin-actor-comedian

But I can say in all seriousness that if I was alive during the ‘60s and ‘70s I would have most definitely wanted Steve Martin to be my male companion and I’d sit on his lap, and most likely try to seduce him.

Steve Martin arar_standupguy01  I’m all about honesty here, guys. And running themes of creepy crushes holding cats.

Dustin Hoffman

Maybe it’s because they were playing “The Graduate” tonight that I reflected on the first time I saw the movie and how it launched my big-time crush on the gray fox that is now Dustin Hoffman, my all-time favorite actor. Seriously. I have such a crush on D. Hoffman that I have “Dustin Hoffman movie nights” with my best friend.

dustin_hoffman

Which does not exclude the comedic gem of the movie “Tootsie”. If this movie doesn’t cheer you up, then you can join the people who don’t have crushes on Stephen Colbert, you Love Terrorists.

Tootsie

Why yes, I AM trying to seduce you, Mr. Hoffman.

Bruce Springsteen

Noooooot gonna lie. I’ve totally had a crush on the Boss since the age of eight. STRAIGHT UP COMMITMENT RIGHT THERE. And I definitely wanted to be Courtney Cox in the “Dancing in the Dark” video. Desperately.

bruceSpringsteen

And if the fact that I wanted to name my first cat “Springsteen” and get him black leather kitten-pants and teach him how to meow “Thunder Road” by heart doesn’
t prove my point, then I don’t know what will.

young_bruce Daaaaaaaaayumn.

 

And that’s that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to enjoy the rest of my night either Photo-shopping my face over the wives of these strapping old men, or ogling Andy Samberg on SNL.

I’m not sure which one is better.

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4 thoughts on “old men i’d gladly woo, or my creepiest blog post ever.

  1. Pingback: not to be trusted « whatever, gatsby

  2. Pingback: i’m melting « whatever, gatsby

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