the unsettling nature of settling

Salut! Guten Abend! Buenos dias! Boa noite! Buonosera! Добрый вечер!

There’s been a lot stewing around in my mind lately. Lots of chunky, weird things a-stewin’ to be quite honest.

From hearing weird news about my dad (not bad, just weird) via Facebook (Oh, 21st century…), hearing from an old crush, and closing the door on a big plan that I had been making arrangements for, it got me thinking on the subject of settling.

I’m one of those people who would rather be uncomfortable than settle. Whether it’s with a school, a boy, a job, a crappy group of friends, or anything like that. When it came to making the decision to leave school this past April and adventure a bit, I knew it was oh-so-right. Like the combination of peanut butter on about….everything. Because when you find yourself settling on something comfortable and familiar it feels like the following analogies:

“YO GIRL, WHY YOU WURRIN’ MAH HEELZ?!!?! DON’T MAKE ME TEAR YO WEAVE OUT!”

– forced and wrong, like trying to put a dog into high heels and tell it to walk.

-depressing and futile, like trying to force that same dog into another pair of heels. ‘Cause everyone knows the dog is just going to rebel and take a crap in those heels while you’re sleeping.

Which, in a really terrible and gross way, I’m doing.

METAPHORICALLY. I SWEAR. I SWEAR!

In a really paradoxical way I find the feeling of settling to be well, unsettling. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve never really lived anywhere besides my childhood home for more than 2 years at max, making the grand total of places of places/houses I’ve lived in to around 12-15 (After about 10 you lose definite count). And I don’t mind that at all. I definitely think it’s one aspect of my upbringing that has molded me into the play-doh figure of someone who doesn’t settle or feel a need for feeling comfortable for a long time in order to feel happy.

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First there was my brief rendezvous with the city of Chicago, which to me sounded like the “right” thing to do, and for a tossed salad of reasons was completely wrong at that time. And then when I got home I made plans to go venture off to Boston to metaphorically “paahk tha caaah in Haavhaahd Yaaahd” and get my “big girl pants” on in baby steps with a friend of mine.

And then that just felt wrong, like the aforementioned dog analogy of infinite eloquence I just made.

So what am I going to do exactly that doesn’t make me feel  like I’m settling, exactly?  Well, I’m not sure. But I have some ideas, a window full of craigslist ads, around 10 college websites, ta-da! lists abound (less dreadful “to-do lists”), and links to a jillion different hostels on my computer screen.

And that is making me feel unsettled but oh-so giddy like a Wisconsin grandma that just won “The Price is Right”.

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See, 11th grade giddiness. With my good ol’ friend Vladdy ❤ Not as good as Wisconsin Granny giddiness, but close.

So I’m gonna put on some metaphorical “Depends” undergarments and get ready for the next couple months of ridiculous plans in the meanwhile.

And go frolic in cemeteries and orange groves with my BFFs:

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Fare the well, darlin’s!

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