{if-had-a-sugar-daddy} 2; christmas

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                       — via

Disclaimer; while I do not condone the using of a partner as a means to purchase fancy brassieres, vast amounts of puppies, and plane tickets to exciting locales, i do condone the daydreaming of said scenarios! I mean, who doesn’t dream of winning the lottery, or in this case, dreaming of wooing someone who won the lottery? And then proceeds to buy you fancy things you would never fathom buying? Ya dig?

So without further ado, here are the things I’d bat my eyelashes at my own sugar daddy for… (ugh, ending sentences with a preposition-ugh)

‘Tis the season for hypothetically extravagant Christmas lists, now isn’t it?! In which you daydream that yes, you will actually wear those 6-inch heels you’ve been eyeing up for weeks. (“I have places to wear them, Mooooom! Like Church. Right?”). And yes, you will get your friends to play Ouija board with you (My mom has a little tradition, in which she still buys my brother and I toys for Christmas. She said they are much more fun to buy than argyle socks. And I agree with her. But that doesn’t make her want to buy me a Ouija board, as per my wishes. I done got SHUT DOWN on that one).

So this is my hypothetical  Christmas list, my dearies. And if anyone wants to buy me a Ouija board for Christmas, I will gladly send you my address and a large virtual hug, and maybe even cookies and a hand-written white girl rap about you (I’m still giving the stink eye at you, Mother Filson!)

{if i had a sugar daddy}// 2; christmas edition

1. RINGS RINGS RINGS!

 

(who sent the flowers? ring)                            (we didn’t start the sapphire ring)

So many, that even Mr. T wouldn’t know what to do with a sucka fool like me.

2. My ideal Modcloth outfit,  which allows me to woo my dream gentleman caller, save the world, and look classy and librarian-like, all at once.

  

Okay, so let me explain this outfit. Can we all just give a moment of silence and awe for that jacket? Okay, that was good. Well, seeing as I will be flying around metropolises, saving the world and kittens from trees by night, and being a sassy librarian-esque lady by day, I would definitely need this coat in order to keep me toasty in all of those frigid cities and icy library corridors. While I’m shelving books and looking coy, the “west egg” frock (so appropriate for this blog, yes?!) will let those future gentleman callers know that I am a lady of class, and I don’t like to show off much leg. And if they stare at my legs too long, or some evil villain-demon-henchman-from-the-third-dimension makes me get a run in my fancy-schmance tights, I will spin kick them in the MOUTH with these ever-so-chic-boots. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

3. The Sound of Muuuuuuuusssiiiiiccccc!

I’ve always been a closet chorus-singing-music nerd, I love writing secretly-corny songs, white girl raps, and have since been re-learning piano.  And lately it has been making my hills alive with the sound of music.

Okay, that sounded horribly gross, but you get what I’m saying.

Right? No? Well, let’s just forget I even said that.

 

 

Can we also have a moment of appreciation for this MINIATURE KEYBOARD?! It is beyond precious, and I’m really hoping Mama Filson will get this for me, as I’m currently, and quite-awkwardly borrowing my roommate’s boyfriend’s keyboard (THAT WAS GROWING DUST IN THE GARAGE. Not my fault. I’m keeping good ol’ Mr. Keyboard company).  Oh, and a music journal to jot all my white-girl raps down! SCORE.

And wait, how’d that macbook pro get in there?! Garageband people. It’s worth the $1100 bullet you will be biting when buying such a beautiful thing. And the fact that I will officially have to register myself as a “Hipster” upon my purchase of this computer. And besides, my Dell is about to get itself a Viking funeral soon.*

 

*As in, I’m going to throw fire-arrows at it and set it out to sea on a Viking ship. Very soon.

4. A fancy headband for that “I’m currently growing out my hair and it doesn’t like me very much”- phase.

Is anyone else convinced that Taza has the loveliest life ever? And it adds insult to injury that she also knows how to make such beautiful headbands. I’m calling shenanigans on that one.

5. Classy lady lipstain

I’ve never been a big make-up wearer, until lately. When did it suddenly became super fun to put on liquid eye-liner? I think it’s the element of a costume that I love. I always dress myself with a certain “character” in mind, always an aspect of myself. Like sassy librarian. Or classy accountant. Or demure, moody, folk singer in a smoky bar. And makeup is kind of one of those things for me. It’s another element of a character that I’m really having fun with lately.

Why the lip stain, you ask? Call me a sucker for good marketing, but I was watching “16 and Pregnant” last night, when a commercial for Covergirl lip stain came on. And it puzzled me. Greatly. And thus, I created lots of humorous catchphrases  for the product in my mind, such as:

“Who says you can’t still look hot while in labor?”

“Covergirl Lip Stains, lasts even through all 36 hours of labor, guaranteed!”

But since then, I’ve seemingly found myself pining for some lip stain.

I’m such a sucker. Such a sucker.

 

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