the curse of a future thinker


i’ve been known to get into these sorts of funks. perhaps it’s the new year. perhaps it’s because my roots are showing a ridiculous amount and my hair is getting quite raggedy. perhaps it’s because i haven’t read a good book in eons. but it’s mostly due to the fact that i am a ridiculous future thinker.

as i’m eating a meal i instantly get excited about the next meal i will eat. or the next outfit i can wear. or the next book i will read. or the next city i will visit. and so on and so forth.

and more often than not, this makes me one pout-y petunia. and i find myself so overwhelmed by possibilities that my mind gets so full that i just feel like i am going to go sylvia-plath all over the place and throw all of my clothes off the top of a new york city apartment building. or pull a gary busey and just go ape$h!t. plain and simple. i just get so excited about the minutiae of possible places, outfits,meals, hobbies that i find myself not wanting to do  anything but curl up into a ball and eat indian food and feel bad that i’m not doing any of them in the present, in that exact moment. but i will. i need to remind myself that. i am going to go see yann tiersen and joshua radin in concert next month. i will be on a plane to san francisco in a few short weeks. and i will be inching closer and closer to those many dreams i find myself dreaming up when i’m at work (where i pretend i’m in any country i so choose. i’m usually in the czech republic.)

i will be there. just not yet. so what’s the point in spoiling right now with thoughts of next month or next year? because by next month i will be sad that i didn’t take an african dance class or write a bunch of poems and part of my play instead of griping that a month’s time wasn’t passing quickly enough?!

so for now i just need to realize that the present is just fine and dandy. and think of all the lovely things i’ve done today and will be doing later on tonight.

-eating mounds of indian food and not thinking of future meals.

-watching “roman holiday” with mother dearest. underneath my hot pink snuggie blanket with sleeves. don’t hate, appreciate.

-um, ogling andy samberg on the jim carrey snl episode tonight!

-painting my nails the shade of o.p.i’s “kyoto pearl”. feel like a mermaid all night long.

-feel snug in my oversized lime green sweatshirt and uber sexy simpsons boxer shorts. once again, don’t hate.

-listen to vampire weekend and have a possible bed room dance party. with myself.

-debating with my mom for an hour about the pros and cons of various desk table legs at ikea.

-eating power bagels and apple juice with my mother dearest at einsteins.

-making fun of people who speed into parking spaces at the ale house. okay, so that was more of my mom’s doing.

and i’m happy with that. really  and truly.

so take THAT, future thinking!


One thought on “the curse of a future thinker

  1. THAT’S SO ME. All I think about are the huge things I want to do, where I want to move, with whom I want to live–I think months in advance. It’s starting to totally annoy me! I need to focus on today. As my Quotable Calendar says:

    “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift.”

    (and yay vampire weekend)

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