i’m silly to say this, but even though i am only five days in to my membership a part of the twenty-somethings of this world i feel as if i know what this year will have in store for me.
ever since i turned nineteen, i’ve felt a sort of spark surrounding birthdays. for so many of my birthdays i’ve thought they needed to be filled with lots of friends, whether they were close or not. confetti and liveliness. blasting music and smiling faces. a space filled up. but that’s not what birthdays mean to me anymore. i no longer care if i chose the right invitations or invited the right people. or chose the right theme for the party. and so on and so forth. since i turned nineteen, i feel like birthdays are times where you give yourself more and more permission.
more permission to…
…get a silly tattoo that some friends might think is a bad idea.
…ask cute boys to swing dance with you. just because.
…take silly trips to far away lands such as chicago, boston, new york, and san francisco. and not feel bad for deciding to do so.
…and not feeling bad for any of your decisions for that matter.
…spending most of your birthdays with your mom by your side. because she is better than a room full of people. and she also agrees to take you to target and go on a mini-shopping spree.
…enjoying a vegan cheese steak with gusto. sure, it might make you a “hipster”, but it is really ridiculously delicious. especially when chased by a vegan chocolate chip cookie soon after.
…asking members of bands to take photo booth pictures with you.
…deciding where you want to move. where you want to go to school. and not letting any one else’s judgment determine either of those. it’s taken twenty + years to acquire that intuition, trust that thing!
and this isn’t just on days of birthdays. for me, it’s extended into the rest of the year. i’ve never held much weight to resolutions on january first. for me, march 7th is the most magical of days. and this one was especially so. when i turned nineteen i finally learned what it meant to be free, but was a bit hesitant in how i wielded that newfound freedom. i knew i had that freedom in my pocket but kept it in there for rainy days and used it with caution. i was a card carrying free lady of the world, but tended to only use that membership card for occasions spread out over the year. but when i turned twenty, i instantly felt like it was a crime to not use that freedom.
so use it i will.
because i’d really like to go swing dancing again. until a ridiculous hour of the night…er, morning.
with boys that may or may not have worn fedoras *