i have no words, really.
actually that is a lie.
i have about twelve lovely years of love bunched up in my fist, a little bit angry, a little bit shell-shocked, a little bit more than a bit saddened.
i remember the first time i saw him at the animal shelter. he had a fan club, even then. he wasn’t like the others. he was only five months old and seemed too large for his cage, but that didn’t stop him from relaxing, stretching out his paws to touch both ends of his kennel.
we knew it was love when we saw him there, his legs wide open, flat on his back with the most non-chalant look on his face, when other dogs around him scurried around their cages barking frantically.
what we got from him was twelve years of laughter. twelve years of the occasional lick on the cheek if you were lucky (those were very rare, i tell you. i myself called myself lucky to get even the occasional kiss). twelve years of rolling around in the back yard on his back without a care about how badly his hips hurt him as he got older. twelve years of car rides, when we both stuck our heads out the window to feel the cold air fill our lungs like little happy balloons.
we spent so many days during hurricane season, huddled in the closet drinking sprite and animal crackers as i told him all my biggest secrets. i pretended each walk we went on was a scene from “homeward bound” and we were on some grand adventure. i always “accidentally” slipped him peanut butter sandwiches and made sure my yoga mat was always near him so he could sleep on it. i probably had more deep talks with him than most other people on this earth.
sweet prince, handsome boy, furry love of my life,
i miss you more than you even know.
i know that you’re up in doggy heaven right now, frolicking and rolling in the grass, eating up peanut butter sandwiches, and getting more belly rubs than you ever thought possible.
and as i sit here what seems a million miles away from you, i know that each little, warm tear i’ve had roll down my cheek these past few days is really just a big, rare, warm kiss from you.
i know it, i know it, i know it.