i can’t sit still;



i swear, sometimes (or all of the time) i am apt to sit still as long as a kid with a hyperactivity disorder who was just given a two liter of mountain dew.

i just realized that i was physically in five different states last month. five. new hampshire. pennsylvania. florida. new york. massachusetts. and this is all fine and well. this is much higher than my usual yearly average, and this pleases me greatly.

but guys, i can’t stop.

my wanderlust is hoooooooorible.

i’m visiting my soul sister, gigi, in nearly a month in los angeles. and i just realized that the commuter rail goes to providence, rhode island. and josh ritter is playing a show in nyc in 5 days.

and it is getting dangerously near new lease-signing times. and thinking about graduation times. and getting a real job times.

i sometimes feel like i am destined to spend most of my time in terminals of some sort. subway terminals. bus terminals. airport terminals. i find myself the most comfortable sitting too close to precious, yet cranky, northeastern grandmas, reading an issue of sky mall, and basking in two hours of airplane air and a lack of phone service. this is my happy place. i am the crankiest when i am seemingly standing still.

but even so, when i really think about it, i don’t think i’ve ever stood still.

as a child, i lived in over 15 houses and apartments. in the same town for the most part. aside from summers in durham and portland, these sometime homes were mostly in the state of florida. i can tell you of all of the street names (double trace lane, orange tree lane [three different houses on that street] , parson brown drive [two on this one], della drive, park terrace.) i mean, i’ve only lived in boston for less than seven months and i lived in three different apartments in the first two months. i sometimes feel like i’m destined to live in more houses than most people. and this is a truth i am more than glad to live out.

in my freshman year of college i took an immersion based german class. we could only speak german, but sometimes i would find comic relief in making up new phrases in order to get my non-fluent thoughts across. my german professor asked us all, in german, what our long-term plans were, our majors, our biggest dreams. unsere träume am größten. i replied “eine schreiberin”. a writer. and then added in quickly that it would most likely result in “manchmal couch-surfen”. occasional couch surfing. my classmates chuckled, but i was proud of my life choice. sitting still is not in my nature, literally.

in my dream world, i’d eat blood oranges by the bag. get to know a new city by bike. spend afternoons having awkward interactions and eating raspberry sorbet in denim shorts as i reflect on the absurdity of my life. my sometimes home would consist of two bags of my most favorite belongings (at least three of my most portable garden gnomes. tweezers. st. ives apricot scrub. my mustard yellow timberland boots.) write every silly little thing down, like i usually do (gem of today: “the thing about “the tudors” is, is that it’s like ‘twilight’ getting people to read ‘wuthering heights’- renaissance drama professor, 10:34 am.) i’d go on, at max, three dates with nice boys until it was time for me to go. i’d do stand up. i’d take ballet classes. i’d collect new friends and wrinkled, happy faces like baubles in a jewelry box.

and like a nomad, i’d take to the wind and go off and do it all over again. same mustard colored boots, different soil.

if anyone knows of a job market in which i could just short term-sublet cute little bungalows across the country, while writing my misadventures down for an audience, please let me know. as i am pretty sure i have found my calling; “couch-surfen”, it is.


3 thoughts on “i can’t sit still;

  1. Amen about the Tudors. But I love Lady Mary, she’s so awesome! I wish my death stare was as threatening. That’ll be what I spend my time working on after graduation. Death stares.

    Your wanderlust makes me want to travel, but I’m such a homebody. I like my cosy house and cosy room to be just the same as when I left it that morning – I’m so jealous of your couch-surfing nature!

    Also, bring your gnomes to England, you’d fit right in.

  2. This is…so so wonderful. I know I always say that…but this is truly one of my favorite posts. You’ve captured the bittersweet heartache that those of us with wanderlust know all too well.

    As long as you have no roots in any soil, keep moving…

  3. Girl, you are a magnificent writer. This post totally spoke to me, but I can’t say we’re totally soul sisters. I love traveling more than I can possibly express (at least not as eloquently as you have), but I also love having a stable home to return to, a place where I can drop all my bags and collapse into my favorite rocking chair and just doze away the afternoon. But traveling is such a fulfilling and terrifying experience and I can’t imagine living without it. And reading your posts, I know you will never allow yourself to be without it either. No matter what you decide to do in the Real World, the real world is never going anywhere. It will always be there just waiting to be explored.

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