i work in lists;

{this is my “if i knew how to put lipstick on, maybe i’d write a blog post about it!” face}

female blogging cliches that need to stop;
-talking about how much you love cupcakes.
-pugs.
-paris fetishes. ย (google “croatia”, guys. widen your world view.)
– school-girl bangs.
-instagrammed photos of coffee.
-“….saga/tales/stories of a twenty-something” in the blog title.
– long-winded book reviews.
-cat-lady jokes. actually, everyone needs to stop telling these jokes.
-posts about being “courageous” enough to wear red lipstick.

dealbreakers;
-he uses the word “veggies”. i cringe.
-he works at bank of america. i.e. he condones evil-doing.
-he wears a backwards baseball cap. or a fedora, unironically.
-he likes nickelback and/or creed and/or hoobastank. i.e he is still 13 years old and lives in west virginia.
-he says, “you know, i really do prefer long hair…”
-he doesn’t like his mom.
-he doesn’t like the beatles. i.e. he doesn’t exist.
-he doesn’t find the above photo endearing at the very least.

“serious” things that make me giggle;
-all of nicholas sparks’ books.
-guys that give girls flowers on valentines day. i usually whisper “WHIPPED!” with a wha-cha! whip noise when i walk past them.
-most songs written by conor oberst, i.e. anything bright eyes.
-most employees at urban outfitters.
-most businessmen of boston(same temperament of the above stated employees).
-enya.

bare necessities;
-nutritional yeast. hate on it.
-those pens you get in packs of ten for a dollar.
-millie, the bike.
-petting strangers’ dogs when they aren’t looking.
– angry orchard cider. it understands me.
– josh ritter pandora station.
– making faces at small children.

guilty pleasures;
pee wee’s playhouse christmas special. i know the whole thing by heart. exhibit a.ย 
-singing ingrid michaelson songs loudly to an imagined captive audience.
bon iver erotic stories. i. can’t. stop.
-reading poetry and trying not to be a douche about liking it.
-imagining andrew garfield is my man-friend. he gives great imaginary foot massages.

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13 thoughts on “i work in lists;

  1. I have so much to say about this.

    Okay AMEN to all the white girl sugary sweet blogging cliches. It is not a big act of courage to wear red lipstick. Dude. Anyone can do it. Cupcakes are so 2008 (still okay to like them but not so publicly) and although I love Paris…I am jonesin’ for some Dubrovnik.

    Actually though, one concession: if I get bangs you have to not hate me. Mmkay?

    And the only things I don’t agree with about dudes is that veggies is a dealbreaker?! Veggies is cute!

    Nutritional yeast…YES! Why such a gross name for something so amazing. Also I too am an Ingrid Michaelson wannabe.

    Okay. That is all. You’re awesome. Lists speak to my heart! xo

  2. Pingback: i work in lists, part the second; « whatever, gatsby

  3. Pingback: musings on the blogosphere; « whatever, gatsby

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